My beloved time piece
I am fairly obsessed by time and I think it has become more noticeable to me over the last few months. I have always been "on time" and one of the few things that actually stresses me out is when I am not, or indeed when other people are not. I think my old job also made me very aware of time as my day was governed by bells ringing, so everything was very structured.
At present my life does not have much structure and I am no longer controlled by bells telling me when to start my day, eat and end my day. However, I still obsess about time. I find it very difficult not to wear my watch, although I do now take it off when I climb, mostly! I can live quite happily and have done when I have been camping, getting up with the sun, eating when hungry etc but I still like to know the time.
This obsession also means that I worry about making the most of my time, wondering that if I spend days like today not doing much in particular, am I wasting time. I have now been in Canada for nearly a month and I just do not know where the time has gone. I have been doing things but nothing of great significance. Should I have been doing more with my time or is this time being spent well by just doing "stuff" whilst waiting for better weather to roll into town.
It annoys me that I get annoyed by my sometimes wanton disregard for something that I am very precious about, and then waste more time procrastinating over the fact that I am wasting it. I worry that I have wasted large portions of my life time being in situations that I probably should have changed sooner, but were they a waste? Would I be any different if I changed those portions of time? Would I want to change the paths that I have been along? You make your own destiny by making choices and although I am still unclear as to what my destiny might be, would I have made different choices? If I had my own DeLorean would I go back in time to change my future? Probably not.
What scares me most about time is the speed that it passes. It amazes me that I have been on this planet as long as I have. It seems like only yesterday that I was 20 something with my whole life ahead of me. Now, well I am older, with still hopefully plenty time ahead but where the bloody hell did it all go. Am I not supposed to have my life "sorted" by now? I think many of these thoughts have been compounded recently as most of the people that I have met that are doing this whole take time out from life thing have been in their mid twenties and even they at least have a semi plan. Do I need a plan? Probably. I was hoping that this time away from home would help me to formulate something but so far no lightening bolts of inspiration have struck.
Whilst obsessing one evening I tried to write a poem of sorts just to get the thoughts out of my head. Now before you laugh, I am fully aware that I am no Wordsworth and it was only ever intended to be a scribble in my note book, but I thought I might share.
Time, it marches so proudly,
Always forwards and never back.
So swiftly it slips unnoticed through our fingers,
Ticking, ticking, ticking.
When we are young, time is unimportant and we seem invincible.
It is only age that shapes the reality of time as it runs away with our days,
Always forwards and never looking back.
Make the most of every day, so that memories will brighten your darkest thoughts.
Be always hopeful that time will be kind and serve you well.
Be gracious and thankful to the good times, but learn and gain wisdom from the bad.
Don't waste time by thinking, what if?
Use time and ask yourself, what now?
Time is valuable and precious and yet we often treat it with disrespect,
But regardless, time will move on even if we suddenly do not.
Do not miss a second, do not miss a beat.
It will pass without you, always forward and never back.